Wednesday, June 8, 2011

My Daughter Moves To California TOMORROW!~!

Hi Everyone!

For the past few days I've been walking around in a daze.

Can’t sit still, but yet at the same time don't know what to do with myself.

My oldest daughter, who is 23, told us Monday that she had quit her job and was moving to California with her long time boyfriend on THURSDAY!!!

What?!

We had known for awhile that he had gotten into Berkeley and would be leaving.

But Kelsey wasn't planning on going.

She was going to wait a year before even considering moving down there with him

Well, needless to say, she changed her mind.

I’m being strong around her.

But inside I feel like my heart is being ripped out.

Over the past few years she has lived on and off on her own.

But never more than 10 minutes away.

Unlike this move, where she will be more than 24 hours away!!

I may not see her again until December!!

That is 6 months from now!!

The thing is she has always been extremely independent, extremely mature.

I always say, she has an old soul.

So I'm not really worried about her.

I know she will be okay.

I am proud of her for being brave enough to go after her dreams.

I can even admit that there is a small part of me excited for her and this new journey.

But most of me, is crying inside.

Wanting to throw a fit and ground her to her room for the next 20 years!!

You see, I had Kelsey when I was 17 and senior in high school.

We have always been extremely close.

She talks to me about everything.

I always tell her, we grew up together, since I wasn't much more than a child myself when I had her.

Since I was 17 she has been right here with me.

If I needed her or if she needed me, we were only minutes away from each other.

Now that is all about to change.

I don't know what to do with myself.

I'm not even sure I’m all “here” right now.

The loss I feel inside my heart is torture.

But I have to keep to myself when she is around.

I don’t want anything to hold her back.

It is going to be hard enough for her to leave, without adding my baggage to her load.

So when she is around, I try to smile, and I try to help get things ready. Even though I know she can sense I'm sad inside.

Because she keeps assuring me it will be fine.

Everything will work out.

There she goes again, taking care of me!

That’s just the way she is.

God love her.

She really is this amazing young woman.

And she was such an amazing wonderful and easy child to raise.

She honestly has never given me one minute of problems.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

24 hours isn't enough, I need more time!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Lord, be with my baby and this new journey in her life.  Keep her safe now and always.  And give me the strength and the comfort I need to be able to say Goodbye tomorrow.

 

zTam

30 comments:

cottageprims said...

Tam~ I'm sure your sweet girl will be fine,but understand the loss you will feel.It's hard letting go of the ones we love.Praying for her safety and for you to feel god's peace and comfort.Big hug to you!~Amy

Brenda said...

Oh Tam, I'm so sorry! My heart aches for you. It's hard to see your babies go but you know in your heart that she is gonna be ok!! My thoughts are with you hon and with your daughter also!
HUGS!
Brenda

Deppen homestead 1862 said...

Tammy
My thoughts are with you~ sending prayers for you and your daughter~
She sounds like an amazing girl~ sounds like Mom(you)raised her perfectly~
Big Hugs to both of you~
Teresa

Megan @ Stitchinthedayaway said...

Tami ~ You & your daughter sound just like me & my mom :) She had me when she was 22, but was 19 when she had my sister ~ We have always been like best friends. When I met ( who is now my husband ) 11 yrs. ago, he was in the Navy & I moved away to Maryland w/ him after only knowing him for 3 months ( granted it was only 3 hrs away ), but it just about tore my Mom's heart out!! You have to trust that your daughter is grown enough to be on her own & it sounds like you raised her right :)
Now, we have moved back to PA & are about 20 mins. away & my Mom is happy as can be ~*~ In time all things work out as they should....
Keepin you in my thoughts:)
Megan

Tallulah's Antique Closet said...

Hi Tammy, I dont know how it feels to have your child move from home. But Im sure she will be just fine being that you raised her just fine. If you go out and visit her. There is a cool antique shop in Orange county called Down Home Antiques. Full of all kinds of Americana and primatives antique treasures...Wishing you the best.....TALLULAH'S

The Moonlit Stitch said...

Tammy-near tears reading your post. My dtr is only 10 and when I think about that day she may move away I get sick. I can't imagine how it is for you right now being at that point. Stay strong day by day - you will chat often and she will have so much new stuff to share with you! I will pray for both of you! ~*~Lisa

TheCrankyCrow said...

Oh Tam - my heart hurts for you. I do not know what I would do if my son announced he was moving hours away - and only gave me a wee bit of time to digest it (I have a feeling your daughter did the latter for your own good...) ;o) It sounds, though, that you have given her all life's tools to be successful and safe - take comfort in that. And who knows what a few months might bring. This must be equally difficult for her. Keep yourself busy girl, and breathe....And make sure you have an unlimited texting plan on your phone! Hugs ~ Robin

Wendy @ Ravenwood Whimzies said...

Oh Tammy-I'm sorry for the heartache you are going through right now - only another mother can know how you feel - I'll say a special prayer for you and for your daughter...that she will be safe and grow in many wonderful ways! *HUGS* friend

Melanie said...

Hi, Tammy~
I will be praying for you and your daughter. All of this must be quite a shock to you!
I'm a mom too, and I would feel just the way you do right now.
Take care.♥

Sew Many Raggedies said...

Tammy, I know exactly how you feel. My daughter graduated from college a few years ago in June, got married in July and the day after the wedding moved to Kansas. That was over 1800 miles away from us! My heart was breaking when that U-Haul pulled out of our driveway. I felt like I couldn't breathe! But God will give you grace to get through this. He always does.
Prim Blessings,
~Rene~

Penny said...

Hi Tam,
I'm sure it will be a tearful send-off for your daughter tomorrow, but within a few weeks you will be doing so much better! That's what all my friends told me when the first of my 3 daughters left for college, and they were so right! Not that I didn't miss each one when they left, but it did get easier over time. Thank goodness for cell phones and text messages!!
My thoughts and prayers are with and your family as a new chapter begins in all of your lives -- I hope for an easy transition for you all!

Prim & Proper said...

Tammy, I can so relate my daughter just finished her 1st year of college. It's so bitter sweet you are excited for them to experience the world but you are so afraid for them at the same time. I hope you find comfort and that this separation brings you even closer. Not to mention CA is a great place to visit! xoxoxo

Vicky said...

My heart goes out to you, Tammy! You will be fine. I have 1 that is 11 hours away and the other 2 are just 2 hours away with 3 still at home. I remember when our eldest left. Stay busy. AND yes, she knows because she feels it, too!
}}Hugs{{
Vicky

Connie said...

Awww, I feel for you. I'm sure you'll both adjust to the new move and please know that I'll be praying for you both.

Hugs,
Connie

Brenda said...

Praying for you and your daughter as you embark on this new journey. I know a little of how you are feeling. My son starts college in the fall and I am not looking forward to him leaving. It scares me though I know God can take care of him better than I can. I can't imagine him being 24 hours away. My heart hurts for you. Hugs.

denise said...

i know exactly how you feel. alittle over 3 yrs. ago my baby girl pulled out of the driveway with her new husband heading for Ft. Campbell,Ky. seems like i cried for days. a little over 3 wks later i was on my way there to ride back home with her because he was deploying to Afghanistan. now 3yrs and 2 babies later she's still there but i do get to see them about 2x a year. but it sure breaks my heart when i leave. wishing KELSY a "safe journey". believe me you will be fine. LOL,Denise

Shakerwood said...

Maybe a year from now, it will all be a distant memory but right now, it must be SO hard. You have done a wonderful job raising her and have to trust that when you let her go, that she will do the right thing at the right time. God will never put on your shoulders more than he thinks you can handle.

Donna~One Simple Country Girl said...

I have no words of wisdom for you, only big cyber hugs!! Hang in there. I'll be praying for you and for her too.

earlene said...

Tammy us Moms have the hardest job in the world and it sounds to me you did a great job!
Keep strong, she knows your hurt but she has her life to live.
Good Luck
Earlene

Mindy/Raymond Homestead said...

It sounds like you have raised a great daughter! I think this mothering thing gets harder as our children get older. If you're anything like me, once I've been hit with some unexpected news, it usually takes me 3 days at least to rally around and begin to deal with it in a more positive way. I'm also always having to remind myself that we all have to live our own journeys.Someone once told me that and it has stuck with me every since. We do our best raising our children and then we have to let them fly. Just wish it wasn't so hard sometimes! Hugs, Mindy

jennifer768 said...

Tammy my heart aches for you !It sounds like you have raised an extraordinary young lady . May the Lord give you the strength that you both will need in the days to come. You will be in my thoughts and prayers,Jen

Primitive Echoes said...

Oh I know how you feel. That is one of the worst feelings ever. I can't think of anything worse. You want to scream and say, "what are you thinking you can't leave me...." I feel so bad for you. My prayers are with you, you will both be starting a new journey in life.
Kat

Susan said...

Hi, Tammy...
I often read blogs but don't always leave a comment. Sadly, sometimes we follow too many and just can't. But,
I just had to write you and tell you
my heart is breaking for you, because
I, too will lose my "baby". She is
planning on moving to South Carolina
(WHAT!?!?)after being born and
raised in Massachusetts all of her
life. She's 22 and married, and just
fed up with the very high cost of
living here. They struggle like so
many young couples, paying taxes,
medical, food, insurance and someone
(I'll get them) has convinced her
that it is so much cheaper to live
in the South. Yeah, right. We too
have always been just the two of us,
her dad and I divorced when she was
just 7 years. But like you I must be
brave because my child rearing is
coming back to haunt me for teaching
her to be independent and self-
sufficient and all those things we
know are good but bite us moms in
the *** in the end!! You and I will
live through this, yes but not with-
out lots of well deserved self pity
and a bit of heartache.
Know that others think of you on
the day tomorrow and wish her a safe
journey.
Warmest Regards,
Susan B., Western Massachusetts

Cyn said...

Tammy...I have a 20 year old son..that I had at 17 too. When the day comes that he must leave..my heart, like yours will break. I know he will be fine..just as your daughter will be fine. I will put on the happy face..all the while my heart will be crushed inside. Just like a momma bird..we teach them..love them..and then let them spread their wings and fly :)

renee said...

I am sorry that she is going so far away! I would be crushed, I know how you feel, my son was going to leave and go far away too, but the situation changed, I am glad, but know at some point in time, that can change. I am sure it is going to be different for all of you, I will be thinking of you and pray that they have a safe trip!
Hugs,
Renee

*Kountry*Porch*Primitives* said...

Hang in there Tam! Sounds like you raised a truly wonderful woman who is about to embark on her own exciting path....makes me think of that song by the Dixie Chicks about the girl leaving home. I have yet to face this and DREAD the day it comes....stay strong for her now and then come to us later. Good Luck ~Kriss~

The Prim Colonial said...

Tammy, I envy the distance, only 24 hours? My oldest is now in Hawaii! A long and expensive distance from me, and it has been 8 months since I have hugged her neck! Skype has been such a blessing...I can see her for free on my computer screen and we talk like that almost daily. The cell phone is always hot as we call each other like we always have. This is one time that we can all be thankful that we do not live in prim times, when they head off on a buggy and never come back! I know you are sad now, and I understand that! God has blessed us with these tools to keep the homje fire burning; this year was our first Christmas apart since birth! I pray God will comfort you and show you the good work He is doing in her life. I take comfort in Jer. 29:11 and knowing that she has the greatest opportunities at her fingertips. Best of all, knowing that she is so happy, hearing her talk about all those new experiences with such joy and seeing the smile on her face gives me the courage to smile back. I know you will experience these joys too, as you have raised her well and she has you in the center of her heart. Plus, think of all the new great prim hunts you can go on! :) I will keep you in my prayers as you begin the difficult let go process. Begin by thanking God for all the good in all of this (as you find it) like her maturity, her closeness to you and so forth. God will be there to help you through this and so will your blog friends. Soon you will be blogging about all the exciting and wonderful things she shares with you....because we may be a long distance from our mother, but our mother is never far away in our hearts and thoughts. Congrats to you for raising a young lady who is ready to conquer the world! Beth

Toyin O. said...

Your daughter will be okay, parying for you:)

saracocarus said...

Tammy, you brought tears to my eyes when reading this. It is so hard to let go of our children. I also had two daughters that met and married Navy guys that they met while we lived in NH.Both of them were from California. Within 15 months they were both married. One moved to California soon after her wedding. Never have I felt anything like that in my life, it totally changed me and everything that I thought was important in life was truly shaken! Long story short, family was more important than any things, houses, cars etc. We now live in Sunny Northern California, 3 1/2 hours away from one daughter in the Bay area and 10 min away from our other daughter. We are starting over with jobs, etc.But we now have three amazing grandchildren that we can watch grow and see more than once a year.The reason that I started facebook was for the purpose of enjoying everything that happened with my children, and not missing anything. I suggest skype, regular phone calls and that you plan now on regular visits as knowing you have a scheduled visit upcoming helps you to see that it is only a short while till you see her again. Best of luck, I will be praying for you!~Sara

prims by olde lady morgan said...

Tammy, Many hugs! OH how hard this day has to be... I know my day is coming soon. My oldest is 23 too and so wants to move out. But to go so quickly, wow... or it's like ripping off a bandaid?
No way around it, it sucks, but they grow up and we can't stop it... Think of you!!! OLM