For the past few days I've been walking around in a daze.
Can’t sit still, but yet at the same time don't know what to do with myself.
My oldest daughter, who is 23, told us Monday that she had quit her job and was moving to California with her long time boyfriend on THURSDAY!!!
We had known for awhile that he had gotten into Berkeley and would be leaving.
But Kelsey wasn't planning on going.
She was going to wait a year before even considering moving down there with him
Well, needless to say, she changed her mind.
I’m being strong around her.
But inside I feel like my heart is being ripped out.
Over the past few years she has lived on and off on her own.
But never more than 10 minutes away.
Unlike this move, where she will be more than 24 hours away!!
I may not see her again until December!!
That is 6 months from now!!
The thing is she has always been extremely independent, extremely mature.
I always say, she has an old soul.
So I'm not really worried about her.
I know she will be okay.
I am proud of her for being brave enough to go after her dreams.
I can even admit that there is a small part of me excited for her and this new journey.
But most of me, is crying inside.
Wanting to throw a fit and ground her to her room for the next 20 years!!
You see, I had Kelsey when I was 17 and senior in high school.
We have always been extremely close.
She talks to me about everything.
I always tell her, we grew up together, since I wasn't much more than a child myself when I had her.
Since I was 17 she has been right here with me.
If I needed her or if she needed me, we were only minutes away from each other.
Now that is all about to change.
I don't know what to do with myself.
I'm not even sure I’m all “here” right now.
The loss I feel inside my heart is torture.
But I have to keep to myself when she is around.
I don’t want anything to hold her back.
It is going to be hard enough for her to leave, without adding my baggage to her load.
So when she is around, I try to smile, and I try to help get things ready. Even though I know she can sense I'm sad inside.
Because she keeps assuring me it will be fine.
Everything will work out.
There she goes again, taking care of me!
That’s just the way she is.
God love her.
She really is this amazing young woman.
And she was such an amazing wonderful and easy child to raise.
She honestly has never given me one minute of problems.
24 hours isn't enough, I need more time!!
Dear Lord, be with my baby and this new journey in her life. Keep her safe now and always. And give me the strength and the comfort I need to be able to say Goodbye tomorrow.